Saying No
by koneko zero
Summary: "I'll go with you." He knows what he's supposed to say. The only problem is that what he wants to say doesn't match it. SPOILERS for DH / DHpt2.


**Title:** Saying No

**Characters & Pairing:** Harry + Hermione, Ron x Hermione, various mentions

**Genre:** Friendship, Angst

**Rating:** T

**Length:** 1,430

**Spoilers:** For DH (book) and DHpt2 (film)

**Warnings:** Language and, seriously people, SPOILERS for the end here

**Status:** Complete

**Summary:** "I'll go with you." He knows what he's supposed to say. The only problem is that what he wants to say doesn't match. SPOILERS for DH / DHpt2.

ooo

**SAYING NO**

ooo

"**I'll go** with you."

"_I'll go with you."_

Oh, God in Heaven. Oh, Merlin, Circe, bouncing _fucking_ hippogriffs. What the fuck is he supposed to say to that?

He _knows_ what he's supposed to say. Very short word, two letters, commonly used by Aunt Petunia. Of course, Harry's delivery will be much kinder, especially here – his best friend (_very_ best friend, no longer one of two, because no matter how much he adores Ron or how complete he is in forgiving him, the fact remains that Hermione has _never_ left him) has just offered to die with him, _for_ him, and it's the most wonderful and terrible gift he's ever received, regardless of whether or not he accepts. His "no" is going to be the gentlest refusal he ever gives.

Except (or perhaps he means "_because_"?) he really doesn't want to say it.

He should want to scream it at her, horrified – which he _is_, but… He should hold her close enough that both their skeletons protest before pressing her into Ron's _safe_ arms and turning away, offering a final smile and wave over his shoulder as he leaves the two of them to do what he can't anymore. He should thank her, kiss her forehead, and remind her of the snake – remind her that everything is pointless if she and Ron aren't there to finish his job. But _should_ really isn't cutting it today. After all, Hogwarts _should_ be a safe place, parents so wonderful as Remus and Tonks _should_ get to watch their child grow (conversely, children like Fred _should_ outlive their parents), and Good _should_ always triumph. Those people who have fought so hard and suffered so much _should_ live long enough to see the sunrise they've been working towards.

People like Harry _should_ be allowed to enjoy the world they've given so very, _very_ much to save.

So the knowledge that he _should_ want to go to the forest alone, _should_ be so selflessly heroic, _should_ be content with the knowledge that at least Ron and Hermione will have the chance to live a little longer… Well. Today, by Merlin, that just _doesn't fucking cut it_.

Harry wants to say _yes_.

Harry wants someone to hold his hand, to be strong for him and give him a reason to _be_ strong. There is no one, not even his family, whom he wishes to be with him at this end more than Hermione. His beautiful, brilliant Hermione, his sister in every way that matters, who loves him and knows him and aids him and would rather die than leave him.

_Rather die than leave him_.

Oh, _Merlin_.

Ron would not die to stay by his side, not right now – not because he doesn't love _him_ enough to, but rather because Ron loves _everyone_ too damn much. His family has just lost one son, his friends and classmates are terrified, and Ron will not leave them to try to cope like this. No matter how much it tortures him not to match his girl's offer. No matter how broken he must be to hear Hermione choose death with Harry over life with him; that fact is half of the agony in the whites of his knuckles, Harry knows.

Hermione, however, has no parents who will miss her – they aren't even aware that she exists. She adores the Weasleys as her own family and her love for her friends and classmates is unquestionable (even to those who teased her, believed the rumours or never cared to recall her name, because they all deserve to live regardless), and, _shit_, Harry doesn't even want to _think_ about how she must be feeling about Ron in this moment… He knows she loves him – even if he hadn't been witness to their years of dancing around each other, Hermione really isn't the type to kiss someone just because adrenaline and fear are flooding her veins – and he also knows that if he's realised Ron would be left behind then Hermione knew an eternity ago, and it would have ripped her in two. But Harry _needs_ her, and, after living those weeks with no one to count on but each other, that overrides _all_ else. Harry needs her, so she will abandon everything and everyone she has left just to hold his hand until that damnable green light breaks them both. He knows it as well as he knows his own name – as well as he knows the shade of his mother's eyes.

He knows Hermione means it, means _everything_ that is hidden between the letters of her offer, because he would do _exactly_ the same for her.

Standing like this, her hair tickling his jaw (and cheek and chin and neck and nose, because it gets bloody _everywhere _no matter how firmly she ties it) and his arms around her, he remembers dancing with her that night in the tent. He remembers when everything was going to Hell in a hand-basket and she couldn't breathe around the pain crushing her ribs. If she had asked anything of him that night, anything at all, he would have done it. He'd have let her leave or run away to Guam with her if she'd asked. She hadn't. She had just quietly trusted him to make it okay for a little while. He did his best.

Held her just like this, actually. If he closed his eyes for a second he's sure he would hear that same song following them. He's only heard it once, but it's his favourite.

Oh, Merlin's fucking _pants_, he wants to say yes. He wants to hold her hand and cry together as they walk, then let her fuss over his collar in the last few seconds because if they're going to meet their doom she won't have him looking like a twit. He wants her there, his constant, to give him courage and solace when he feels himself wobble. He doesn't want to die _alone_, and Hermione is the one he'd want beside him if he had to choose.

He doesn't want _her_ to die at all.

He wants her here, with Ron looking after her. He wants to protect her, to be _her_ pillar of strength, to live up to the role of her brother. He wants to keep _Ginny_ safe, to keep _all_ the Weasleys safe, and Neville, and Luna, and Seamus and Dean, and McGonagall and Hagrid… And Alicia and Oliver and Lavender and Pavarti and Peakes and Lee and Justin and Ernie and Flitwick and Hannah and Smith and Roger and Slughorn and _Madam Fucking Pince_… He wants to protect _everyone_ in this godforsaken castle, to give them the support and chance that they need to survive – to be the hero they've always hailed him as. He wants Ron to know that he loves him no matter _what's_ happened, even enough for this, and he wants him to have his opportunity with the girl the idiot's loved for too damn long. Harry wants _her_ as far away from the entire fucking scenario as humanly possible. He wants Hermione to finally know that she means just as much to him as he does to her, that he'll match her sacrifices raise by raise, and taking her with him to die is not the way to do that.

He _needs_ both Ron and Hermione to survive, or this last move is worthless. If they die, he loses no matter _what_ happens to Voldemort.

It'll be worse this way. He's terrified and in pain, and he doesn't know if he has the strength for all this. Courage may not be the absence of fear, but right not he's not doing too well with "acceptance that something is more important" than his terror part, either. He's never felt _less_ like The Chosen One or The Boy Who Lived, and it's all too damn heavy for Just Harry's shoulders to bear. So. He won't think of "The Wizarding World," or even just, "The World." He'll think of _his_ world, "Harry Potter's World," with Hermione and Ron and the Weasleys at its centre.

Besides. He'd "rather die than leave her," wouldn't he? He'll die soon enough this way, and maybe, finally, earn the honour of all her sacrifices and trust and loyalty, including this last offer. At least Hermione will be safe, and Ron will be safe. They'll _all_ be safe.

If Harry leaves, _everything_ will be alright. The snake will die. Voldemort will fall. Ron and Hermione are here to ensure it.

He hugs her, and tells her no.

ooo

ooo

Thank you for taking the time to read this - I really hope you enjoyed it. I saw the film earlier and, god, this moment broke my heart. If you have the time and/or inclination, a review would be hugely appreciated. No flames, please, but I love concrit as much as praise.


End file.
